as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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