He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think my fart just growled at me.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
