I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
