hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nicole vs. Life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
