we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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