I am puke
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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