just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
