It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
