Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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