So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
