Got a toothbrush?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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