So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
