I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
