wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
