I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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