I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
