Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
