did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
