I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
