i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
