I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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