Can Purell be used as lube?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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