we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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