Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
