she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just cut my nipple shaving
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
