Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
