Umm I'm too high to move.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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