mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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