i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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