My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
