I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
