Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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