just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
