belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
