GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
