Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
