i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
