Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
