My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
