I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
