So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
