Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
