So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize