I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
