so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
