she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
