how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
