this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
