I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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