Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
