you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I fill condoms, not promises.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
