I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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