I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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