I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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