I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
