Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
