You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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