I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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