I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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