I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
