She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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